Mistaken Identity
It happens every time I let my hair grow past my shoulders. Strangers will stop me in a store or parking lot and strike up a conversation thinking I am someone else. Last week, I was in a big box store and I heard someone say as she passed by, “Hi Monica”. I glanced up, didn’t recognize her and assumed she was talking to someone else.
She stopped, came over to me and said irritably, “I said hello to you.” So, I asked, “Hi, do I know you?” To that, she replied, “Of course you know me.” I asked, “From where? My name is Alisa, not Monica and I don’t recognize you.” She became angry, pointed down the aisle and yelled, “Well, you sure as certain know my husband!” When I didn’t recognize him either, she became angry and stormed off. I quickly found what I needed and left the store. Once in the car, I took a quick look in the rearview mirror and thought, “I really need a haircut.”
Hidden Identity
The conversation lasted two minutes, but I felt its effect for several days. It startled me and she had no idea I am a domestic violence survivor with a protective order in place. The moment I noticed her getting frustrated, I had to resist the instinct to over-react, remind myself to stay calm and keep myself from becoming defensive.
People with protective orders in place, are currently or have been stalked, or are violent crime survivors, especially domestic violence, do not wear name tags identifying them as such. You don’t typically know who we are unless we tell you. For these reasons, please keep the following in mind when you approach any woman you have not talked with in a while in public:
- Remind them who you are (trauma plays tricks on memory).
- Give a reassuring smile.
- Wait for them to offer physical touch or a hug.
- Extend grace if you have felt ghosted or they can’t recall prior conversations.
- Invite them to contact you only if you plan to respond.
My mom would call these items common courtesy and thinks they should be extended to everyone, male or female. Unfortunately, courtesy isn’t commonplace anymore and we can all use the reminders. By the way, she also thinks I need a haircut, lol.