I never saw it coming. Well, that isn’t completely true. When I started finding notes in my house I got the feeling things were going to take a bad turn, I just never thought he would hurt me. I knew I was wrong when I heard the loud pop and three taser barbs hit me in the back. He definitely meant to harm me.
Although our divorce a year earlier was amicable, I had cut communication ties with my ex-husband in November 2016. At first, he would call or email me with friendly chit- chat, but soon he became insistent that we reconcile. I told him it was best that we go our separate ways and wished him happiness in his new life out of state. A week later, I found the first note from him in my bible. Over 35 more notes in various places followed. By the time he attacked me in April 2017, I had endured six months of stalking. I was burglarized, sleep deprived, seeing a counselor and taking a prescription for anxiety. I was a mess. Without touching me, he had harmed me emotionally and psychologically. However, I was not helpless.
I had a choice to make, I could wait for him to approach me at work or in a store, or I could take action to protect myself. Getting the protective order sent a clear message that I did not want him in my life. Security bars were used for my two outside doors and to barricade myself in the bedroom at night. I had a security system installed, got a dog to alert me and changed my phone number. I also began practicing different escape scenarios in my mind in case he ever came to the house and I needed a way out. I gave my co-worker his picture and asked that she call the police if she ever saw him near our workplace. That picture came in handy, but that is a story for another time.
When I arrived home from work that April evening, he had bypassed my security system and was already waiting in my home to attack me. So much for the escape routes I had practiced. For the next 28 hours I was at his mercy and by the grace of God, stayed alive until the police could find me.
A person could say that all of my preparation was time and resources wasted. But, I would differ with them. The steps I took put me in the frame of mind to be a survivor, not a victim. It gave me a sense of power rather than powerless. Although I did not choose to be a victim, I could choose to be a survivor. With each act of precaution I took, I got a little bit stronger. By the time of the attack and abduction, I was determined to survive. Yes, I was harmed, but a long way from helpless. Even bound with zip ties & duct tape, ribs broken and head pounding, I had a mindset of a survivor and the hope of a miracle.
There are so many great songs out and I like a variety of music genres. One song that is a favorite lately is Help is on the Way by Toby Mac. It talks about darkness and pain, yet the assurance that help is around the corner. Look it up on YouTube and you will be tapping your foot before you know it. You may have contact with someone who needs to take practical safety steps to remain safe. If so, direct them toward resources in their community. Above all else, remind them: Though they are harmed, they are not helpless. Take heart, my friend. Psalm 91:5 assures us, “…though arrows may fly by day”, even in the form of taser barbs, help is on the way.