There are things I hate to see end. For example, girls’ night out with my BFFs, a chick flick date with my husband (even though he guesses AND shares the ending during the first 10 minutes) or a bowl of mom’s chicken and dumplings. I savor these and I’m always sad when they are over. On the other hand, some endings can’t come soon enough and, dare I say, deserve a celebration when they do?
For example, remember phones attached to walls and long distance call charges? Yes, my Gen-Z friends, not only did we have to stand in the hallway and talk to our boyfriend with zero privacy on a phone attached to the wall, we were charged extra on the phone bill if they lived in a different area code. An area code could split your neighborhood in half and end budding puppy love in less than a week. I welcomed the age of the cell phone. However, my all-time, number one happy ending took exactly five years, one month and four days to reach.
Ending Versus Closure
My sons and I enjoyed watching Law & Order when they were teenagers. Lenny Briscoe and his crew could catch a case, investigate, prosecute and lock the bad guy away in 60 minutes (and that included commercials). If only real life worked that way.
The man who stalked, assaulted, terrorized and kidnapped me had his first trial only 14 months after the attack. He then won an appeal on a technicality, had the new trial delayed due to Covid and was convicted a second time in 2022, five years to the week he tried to end my life. Naturally, he appealed the 39 year sentence and I was warned it would take up to a year for the higher court to rule. It took one month and four days for them to decline to hear his oral argument: The 39 year sentence stands. He is serving the rest of his life in a medium security federal prison many states away from me. Poof! Just like my 1980’s mall bangs, he is gone and that part of my life has a happy ending. Or, can something as devastating as domestic violence ever really be over?
Healing Takes a Village
I can only speak for myself when it comes to healing and reaching closure on such a violent event. I Began seeing a licensed counselor when I filed the protective order in February 2016 and have seen her on and off throughout the years. Most recently, I went through rigorous EMDR therapy to end the bothersome night terrors. My faith, mom, best girlfriend of 30 years and friends who share my faith were instrumental in my healing. They accepted me at each stage of healing and never rushed my progress. My new boyfriend in 2016 became my rescuer, solid rock and eventual husband. Despite all of this support, it was learning that my attacker has zero chance of ever having access to me again that ushered in the remaining element peace. I am one of the lucky ones. Some will never have this level of protection or ready support.
My friend, if you are waiting for life changing news, then listen up! I beg you to get professional help to leave behind whatever is holding you captive. Whether it be a substance, bad habit, relationship or your belief that things can never be better, I encourage you to address the culprit and move forward with your life. You were not meant to merely exist, you were made to live life joyfully and abundantly. You may not get the legal closure you yearn for, but you can take steps to live the life you deserve. Let go of the pain like 1980’s mall bangs. Yes, it will be hard, but you are brave and you are worth it.